Just Me & Z

That is what I keep telling myself. I know God will not give me more than I can handle, and I know that there is a reason for everything. However, sometimes it is difficult to understand what that reason is.

Over the past few months I have had my fair share of highs and lows. I've experienced a new-found love, and also experienced love lost. It's amazing how little time it takes for everything to fall apart. One week you are talking about getting married and moving in together, to the next week saying forever goodbye. I still question what exactly went so wrong, but all that I know is you can't make someone love you. You can cry, kick, scream and yell until you are blue in the face, but if their feelings aren't there then there isn't anything you can do. All that matters is that you loved with all of your heart and you pray that things worked out for the best.

I've also struggled with some health issues recently, mainly depression and anxiety. I had dealt with these issues before, but that was during a rough time in my life when I was going through my divorce. I guess the stress of a job, being a full-time single mom to a strong-willed, stubborn 2-year-old, buying a house and juggling "life" just got the best of me. I was also diagnosed with an ulcer, so I am taking medication for that as well. I got a horrible stomach bug on Thursday of last week, so I was out Thursday and Friday at home sick. My stomach is still not fully recovered, and I have very little appetite although I am starving. It's amazing what a little virus can do. I joked with my boss that people don't need to go on diets, they just need to get sick. My pants that were once too tight are falling off of me now. Ha ha.

Another issue I am dealing with is the wonderful world of DHS. I have been receiving assistance from them for things such as daycare, Zoie's health insurance and my well-woman insurance, although I no longer need mine since I have my own insurance with my job. I didn't add Zoie to my plan as I knew she was covered by the state and honestly, I just couldn't afford it at the present time. Well every November we get paperwork in the mail for recertification. We have to provide them with paystubs, letters of explanation, a copy of my house title since I just bought a house, any financial assistance we are receiving, our mother's maiden name, our first born child... ok, maybe not the latter two, but still. We have to give them a LOT of info. Well I got all of it gathered and mailed it in. I even explained to them why my addresses had changed, how I bought my house and gave them the break-down of my current bills and how I was even going by a budget now to make sure I could provide for myself and more importantly, my daughter. I didn't think anything of it until I opened my mail last night. They were revoking Zoie's daycare assistance AND insurance because apparently I make too much money!! I couldn't believe it. I thought that this was extremely ironic since a year ago exactly they took her daycare away because I was unemployed for too long and wasn't making any money. Now I make too much?? Well I got to work today and did some research on DHS and their requirements. I think the reason they denied my recertification was because on the two paystubs for October that I had to submit, I worked overtime those few weeks to get caught up at work. Well you can't make over $2425 a month, and apparently with my overtime I exceeded that amount. I called DHS to explain and they told me I would need a letter of explanation (yes, another one) from my boss explaining this and I would have to take it to their office, which was 45 minutes from my work. So I talked with Andrea and we drafted a letter telling them what I "normally" make, so I am praying very hard that this will resolve the issue and I can at least keep my assistance for one more year so I can get my finances in order. It just frustrates me that I am trying to better my life and give my daughter everything that she deserves, but yet I am being punished for succeeding. There are tons of people who mooch off of others and live off of their child support and don't work and qualify, but here I am not getting child support and working overtime to help us out and I get in trouble? Something is not right with that... So we will see. I am just keeping my fingers crossed that it will work out.

But I guess that is about it. It has been a very stressful and crazy two weeks. And to top it off, on Tuesday the roads were extremely icy and a truck swerved towards me to avoid another car. I tried to get over and in doing so, I lost control of my car and slid into the retaining wall on the highway. Luckily, God was watching out for me and the only damage that was done was on the tire. The tire saved my car from becoming a crunched up metal can. So you betcha I was saying my prayers that night!!

I hope everyone is doing better than I am at the moment. No, I'm not doing too bad. I am really trying to be optimistic. Things could be a lot worse. I know I am just at a rough patch right now. So please keep us in your prayers right now. I could really use them...

With Love,