I think I have been driven to the point of insanity. As I lay here in bed typing this via my blackberry, I am being tormented-so intensely that I want to scream... Except for fear of waking a sleeping baby. That would be more torment in and of itself.
Mr. Houdini is laughing at me. His laughs are so loud they are deafening. My stomach cringes at the sound. I can feel my blood begin to boil as his bellows get louder. It truly is maddening.
Mr. Houdini arrived a few nights ago. Once the lights were out, his screams quickly emerged. I thought if I turned on the lights, they would cease. And they did. I didn't hear them for the rest of the night.
The second night was the same. I was to the point of bliss where I had drifted off to sleep and was dreaming of fluffy white clouds and rainbows, and your screams began-startling me and awakening me from my peaceful slumbers. As I ran to the living room to catch you in the act, as soon as I flipped on the light they ceased... Causing me to wonder if it was only a figment of my imagination. That thought was short lived as I shook my head-you were real. I knew it.
You vanished with your disappearing act for a few nights, allowing me to get some much-needed shut eye. Chasing you was exhausting and was beginning to take a toll on me.
But tonight, you returned-and with a vengance. It was almost as if you were resting up for the ultimate torment.
However, tonight was different. Zoie heard you too. You began your torture early-before the lights went out. Zoie asked me what that sould was, and I had to explain you to her. We tracked the repetitive laughs down and tried to capture you, but you were hiding. Under the refrigerator. Ingenious. You knew I was not strong enough to move it, so you had fould the ultimate hiding place. We even tried to sweep you out with the flyswatter, but failed. However, you quickly grew silent- almost as if you could hear our breath as we tried to remain frozen in stance. You went away for awhile, but I knew you wouldn't be gone for long.
It was 2130 hours and counting. You had sat in silence for a short while. Only long enough for me to begin drifting off into REM sleep. We had only been in bed for about 30 minutes, when you began screaming at me. You wanted to make your presence known to me-that you were in my room. I could hear you standing next to Zoie. Immediately, I jumped into fight or flight action, and sprang from my bed. I ran to the lightswitch. I flipped it on and instantaneously, you were quiet.
I ran to the bathroom and grabbed tissue. I was going to silence you if it killed me. I knew you were tiny-almost as small as the Borrowers in the childrens fable we read in grade school. I didn't think you would be that difficult to find, being black and resembling death. I grabbed zoies box of childrens books that sat next to my bedside hoping to catch you offguard, but to no avail. I quickly peered under the bed, hoping to catch you in the act. But you disappeared. You were good, Mr.Houdini. That was the name I gave you since I hadn't technically seen you, but you made your presence know. You were good alright, but not that good. You weren't going to outsmart me with your tricks.
I dumped out her box of books, thinking you may have hidden inside. And I was right. You startled me as you lunged towards me, knocking me backwards. You scared me out of my skin, and for a moment I wondered if I was crazy. But I had spotted you and you were mine. I quickly smothered you with the tissue, wondering what the best way to dispose of you would be. I immediately thought burial at sea would suit you well. So I ran to the bathroom, threw you in the comode, and watched as the tissue held you down as you tried to escape, but the swirling water was too much and gravity set in. Away you went. I held the handle longer than usual, almost with sheer satisfaction that I had defeated you. Grotesque, I know. But you were hone, and I breathed a sign of relief.
As I turn off the lights and collapse onto the bed, I grin with pleasure that you couldn't outsmart me. Or could you? As I lay there, I hear plops in the toilet, almost as if you were fighting for your life. I convince myself that you had got to my head and I was imagining things. You were gone, and I watched you float away. I had won and you had been defeated.
But somehow, you pulled one of your Houdini moves. You entered my dreams. How you got into my head was beyond me- but maybe my mind was subconsciously reliving our cat-and-mouse chase. I, as the cat and you as the rat. In my dreams, you weren't alone. You had brought reinforcements. You had a slew of accomplices, all of which had one goal of driving me mad. I chases you around with our housekeeper from work. Denise was a hard worker, and together we sought out your anialiation. However, your friends helped in driving us to insanity. I dreamed we chased you and your posse from room to room, defeating you one at a time. I chased you behind boxes, behind frames, behind the couch. I tore my house completely apart as we fought for your captivity. It looked ransacked by intruders, and that was exactly what you were. But my dreams weren't enough. You had to come back to reality and torment me some more.
I heard you in the kitchen. I awoke from my sleep and was covered in sweat. I was in disbelief that someone as minute as you could drive me mad. But you had. As I jumped from the bed, I don't even remember my feet touching the floor. I threw on the lightswitch with a vengance, hoping to catch you redhanded. But of course, you weren't there. As soon as the light came on, you were silent. I grabbed the trashcan, expecting to find you underneath. Nope. You weren't there. I pushed the Ozarka water system out of the way, knowing I would catch you. No. You were good, Mr. Houdini. I proceeded to throw the chairs to the side and get on all fours to peer under the kitchen table. Ah ha! But no, you weren't there. Your game was working. You were practicing your spidey skills and was invisible to the naked eye. I couldn't find you. You weren't there. Where were you, Mr. Houdini? I sat on the couch hoping if I was still enough, you would emerge. I quietly rolled up the June edition of Cosmopolitan, hoping you would soon be history. This magazine that I held in my hand was thick enough that with one quick blow, you wouldn't see the light of day again.
But after sitting for what seemed like hours, my eyes were heavy, reminding me of the time. 2:32 in the morning. I had to get up in less than three and a half hours and start the new day. No one at work would believe our tale, even if I tried to explain it. You had won. I had been outsmarted by someone less than an inch in heighth. Giving in to defeat, I slowly turned off the light and returned to bed. You had won. As I stare at the black ceiling, you start in. I know you are now only mocking me. But your screams echo off the wood floor, filling my house. It is almost as if there were dozens of you- all laughing at me. However, the was is not over. The battle has only begun. I will get you, Mr. Houdini. I will seek you out with a vengance, and you will pay for what you have done. I will not let you outsmart me. I will hunt you down like a pack of wild, rabid dogs. You will regret ever messing with me. I will not let you win. I will not be defeated by a stupid cricket. This is war...
